letter to a firecracker

Hello firecracker,

Mostly here by the lake it is wet, and foggy in the morning, and today it finally rained. In the morning we get up, eat granola and yogurt and blueberries (the granola is made by my friends at the coffee shop, yummy organic, the blueberries we picked in Bayfield), I have been taking my vitamins religiously and Luka always wants to eat them and he says "vitamins not for babies" in the cutest way, as if reminding himself again, today, he can't have them, but he desperately longs for them as they roll down the yellow tabletop just out of reach. Today I am madly in love with him and I know it (I am madly in love with him every day but I don't always know/feel it) and I can tell that this regimen of morning supplements and a slower lifestyle and the morning walk we take right after breakfast for an hour through the calm residential area smelling of willows and laundry and the Lake is really paying off. The depression is losing, and me, I am winning. Slow old fight, but I am winning this one. Thank God, it was much grimmer going a few months ago.

I started seeing a therapist last week, and saw her today, and it feels really good to have that poin tof reference, to feel supported and really listened to for that period of time, and to work through some things that need to be worked through. A lot gets put on hold when you are in crisis, and now that things are mellow for a while, I can get down to uncovering some of the stuff that got buried. It feels good, maybe soon I will figure out those recurring dreams about Josh that keep coming back. Saw him aweek ago, by the way, that's a story to tell!!!! But I know it will help me wiht more closure.

I was realizing that this is life, this is all it will ever be, and I must accept it. This is it. Sure, I have felt disappointed, but so? What's next? Endless possibility!!!!!

All my love, I suggest you stick to some of those trees and let them ground you! It feels good to come back to the earth after burning yourself out

Love you,