loneliness

Loneliness rears its head in strange ways as a parent, in a family, in a relationship. I have asked my mother to write an account of her marriage, and she has become consumed with my request. It is going to be very tough for her, and I think I cannot even imagine how tough it is going to be for me. Why have I asked for it? Why go into the past? Because I want to know, as an adult woman, as a new mother, what my mother's life was really like, and why I have struggled my whole life to love myself. I long to delve deeply into this emotion right now, to this need, but my creative and healing spurts are interrupted always by the cries of baby -- nonetheless, my own feelings must be addressed and heard, my own need to understand the unconcious patterns of my heart.