New Beginnings

One of my lovely New Year's "Revolutions" (as my friend Kendra coined it) is to write some every day. Some. Let myself go writing as if it were brusing my teeth, this is what I will do. Must do. Am Doing right now. This new location for my ever evolving blog will be the new place, I believe. Here is a list of tangible goals for the next month:

1. Exercise/yoga each day
2. Write a little each day
3. Cut down caffeine intake to one cup a day
4. Cut out junk foods
5. Organize closets, boxes, and desk and declutter from the past.

Here is a complete resolution I wrote the other day:
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t
do than by the ones that you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
Mark Twain


Things I learned in 2004:

• Mothering is very difficult, but something one can adapt to and love deeply, and these skills are learned.
• There are many things I can’t control, and a few that I can.
• Flexibility is of the utmost importance.
• Turning towards and leaning into pain makes it easier.
• Love is not what I thought it was, or anything close to what I thought it should be. I have learned about devotion and dedication. I have learned to weather the storm, and still look at the man I love with wonder and reverence despite all the horrible crashings down of my illusions. I have learned the reward of sticking with a hard thing, and not giving up hope.
• I learned how to fingerpick some patterns on the guitar, and a couple new songs, how to breastfeed, change a diaper, start a weblog, live on next to nothing and not outside of my means, how to scrapbook, how to just be and not worry about accomplishing . . ., how to let go of the things I think I should be doing and just do them for fun. I learned how to start being a mom.

10 things I am grateful for:

• Luka, Luka Luka Luka
• Andy
• The three of us still together in one house, sticking it out and laughing more often than I would expect.
• The love and support of my and Andy’s families through our hard times and good times.
• Our health, without which life would be soooo much different, and I know now not to take it for granted after all the physical trials of the past year.
• My renewed connection with my grandmother, who is now closer to me than ever.
• My deepening spiritual practices which have taken faces I never imagined they would . ..
• Snowboarding, for reminding me I can do it
• Music, for reminding me I can let it go and bring it back at anytime
• Inspiration, for being something I need only breathe in

things I intend to create in my life in 2005

• I create physical well-being and freedom in my body – freedom from self-hatred and fear of my physical changes. By the end of 2005 I will have shed 35 pounds by becoming aligned in body, mind, and spirit as healthy as I can be.
• I create a nurturing and loving home, where all are valued and healthy and balanced, where our son experiences pure love and witnesses it in his parents.
• I create a life of creativity, taking time to write a little each day.
• I create music in my life, on an ongoing basis, and this music will be fun and not draining. I will find other musicians who have the same desires and make music with them.
• I create financial independence and freedom for my whole family, with a sustainable income that does not compromise my values or take too much time from my family.
• I create a life without self-hatred, and with love and acceptance for myself, wherever I am in my growth.
• I create Loving and giving to all around me a joyful peaceful presence of support and calm.
• I create much sleep and rest for myself and Andy, and Luka
• I will write a book this year.
• I will bring ritual and magic into my family and my life.
• I will become a better guitar player
• I will sing



Mondo Beyondo

I want to: be a yoga instructor and do yoga daily, snowboard more often, learn African dance, salsa, and tango and dance often, write freely and publish many books, have a homestead and live 75% from the land I live on, travel to Italy and speak fluent Italian, travel to Africa and study African dance, join the peace corps, swim more often, MFA in creative writing, complete massage therapy school, become an ordained interfaith minister, live in an ashram, be connected to nature each day, make meaningful music, be a puppeteer, make a difference, build my own cabin with my own hands, run a marathon, bike across the US and Europe, hike the Appalachian Trail with my family, find peace, inspire people, own my own coffee shop, own a store, own a yoga studio, voice studio, conduct and create a women's choir