revelations from Ohio

Hi lady,
I am in Ohio now, feeling completely turned around but trying to stay grounded. I can't escape this nauseous, dizzy feeling, and I don't think it's anything to do with pregnancy. Just the fast paced vibes of this town and my family swirling around me whom I love so dearly and the inespicably changed father I see before me. then there is the sudden out of placement of having left your family behind that you know need you so much. That is my balance now, strange as it seems to me, but I miss it even after one day of travel.
things with andy have gotten better and better, though it is not a fairy tale of love that we grew up expecting or that most of the people I meet expect. I acknowledge this family as my spiritual path and Andy is a huge chunk of that, and though I squirm and shimmey under the pressure of it many days, in my deepest heart I know that he is my soulmate, or as our wedding vows said "my one true love". True because it is a love that defies all obstacles and all expectations of my youth. true because I am growing up under its branches. true because I feel naked and vulnerable in the loss of my illusions, and utterly at a loss for the understanding of most outsiders. but I have grown so much that I am able to sit with all of that and let it be what it is and sometimes truly appreciate it.
I am always learning to let go as well, and this next baby will be the next step in that transition. So much more to let go of!!
Love,
Heidi