giving in

Luka has been perpetually sick for at least 3 months now, and after a trip to the emergency room today we have quite a few opinions that tell us it is normal. What doesn't feel normal is my own lack of sleep and therefore lack of sanity. Days like today I feel like a complete zombie. He has been nursing like a newborn for 3 days striaght, which is to say, constantly. Last night as I lay awake wishing I were sleeping hour after hour, I think I finally accepted this fate of being his constant boob slave of comfort. Yet when I leave the house he accepts the comfort of others willingly, just not when I am within earshot. Sometimes I think it might be better for us both if I leave to get some space once in a while. This has certainly been the hardest time of my life.
Today I swore that when he gets better we are going to make him cry it out or do whatever it takes because this is crazy! How can I afford to continue depressed and lethargic like this! I am really not a happy camper here! I'm fucking miserable!
How's that for a lullaby? (good thing noone reads this)